Nicole Bliman
35, Mother Of Two On Giving Birth In A Pandemic
Many women will tell you that while you are carrying your child, you have this instinctual urge to protect. You haven't met your baby yet, but the love and attentiveness you feel is overwhelming.
Nicole experienced an extreme version of these emotions while navigating pregnancy during the pandemic. Vacillating between feelings of excitement and fear, Nicole talks about hospital protocols for expectant mothers, how she's explaining COVID to her four year old son, and what her hopes are for a future shrouded in unpredictability.
Photographed and Interviewed by Alexandra Cali
October 9, 2020
Getting To Know Nicole
Alexandra Cali: How long have you lived in Stamford, and why did you decide to settle here?
Nicole Bliman: We've been here for 4 years now. My husband teaches Biology at Greenwich High School, so we picked Stamford because the commute isn't too bad. I do marketing for a financial services company, but my job has always been remote. I've been able to work out of our home for at least two years now. No commute for me.
AC: Oh wow, so you were prepared for the big switch to working online! Have a lot of people come to you for advice on working from home for such an extended period of time?
NB: That's interesting. A little bit. Many of my coworkers were office-based, so I was always an outlier as a remote employee. When I saw these emails chains going around with people voicing their concerns, I would just volunteer to share my experiences. I would tell them that it's actually pretty nice not having a commute, and they would laugh.
AC: Where did you live before coming here?
NB: We were in New York City. That's actually where we had our first son.
AC: Was moving to the suburbs a big adjustment?
NB: We were ready for the change. We both grew up in the suburbs, and it made sense to migrate back because of how life was unfolding. Having kids and all.
AC: Do you miss the city?
NB: I can't say I do. When I was pregnant with my first son, we had to take the subway back and forth to check-ups leading up to his birth. Of course, there was no COVID then. So being on a train car with a bunch of strangers felt completely normal. But when it came time to give birth, we had to take the subway to the hospital. I don't miss stuff like that, especially since I was pregnant for much of the pandemic. Taking the subway while in labor would be such an awful situation to be in with the virus. It's funny how a few years can change your perspective on stuff.
Hospital Protocols For Mothers In Labor
AC: So much has changed in our lives these last few months. The idea of taking public transportation or going to the grocery store has become too risky for a lot of people. What other big changes did you notice as you were getting closer to your due date?
NB: When you get to the hospital before going into labor, they give the mothers a COVID test. The partner has to wait outside in the lobby. If you test negative, everything can proceed as normal. Your partner comes back to the delivery room wearing a mask and all this stuff. I thankfully tested negative when I had my baby in July. But if you test positive, it's a nightmare situation. Your partner has to leave, the baby goes to the NICU right away, and you aren't able to see or hold your child for an extended period of time. That was the situation I was looking to avoid at all costs.
AC: What was it like, having such a potentially scary situation hanging over your head for months?
NB: It was exhausting to deal with. My parents are local, and leading up to the birth they had been traveling a bit. During June, they spent some time in Florida before heading back to Fairfield County. I did not want to see them. It felt way too risky with my due date coming up. So I had to spend a lot of time isolating in my home.
AC: I can't imagine how challenging it is to spend the months leading up to giving birth without seeing family.
NB: The hardest thing was having to keep my parents from my oldest son, Isaac. My mom and Isaac love each other very much. Keeping them apart was driving my mom crazy. She felt like even though she had been in Florida, she had practiced proper social distancing. Everyone has different definitions of what the right thing to do is during times like this. What they were doing wasn't enough for me. We had so many conversations about who was right and who was overreacting. Ultimately, I said I needed to do what was best for the health of me and the baby.
AC: Those conversations with family can be grueling. Were you able to set up any socially distant events for Isaac and your mom?
NB: We had a few socially distanced hangouts, but it was hard to tell my son to back away from his grandparents if he was getting too close.
Adjusting To A New Normal
AC: You mentioned earlier that your husband is a teacher. Has he had to resume in-person instruction?
NB: Yes, he goes in now. When the pandemic hit in the Spring, he was working from home. Teaching online gave him a much more flexible schedule, so he could help out with Isaac. I was very lucky, because I was working a lot in the weeks leading up to my maternity leave. I would have been stretched so thin if I had to look after Isaac and work. I don't know how parents with school-aged children are getting stuff done.
AC: How do you feel about having your husband going back into an environment where he could potentially get sick?
NB: I try not to think about it too much. Now that we are past the pregnancy, I'm more relaxed. I have my healthy baby at home. But I'm probably somewhat in denial about how much exposure we potentially face each day. Leading up to the birth of our second son Eric, we weren't seeing anyone. Now my husband interacts with all these kids, and if he catches anything he would be bringing it straight home. But the schools have made it clear that this is how it needs to be.
AC: How do you think your oldest son has adjusted to this new reality?
NB: Isaac is only four, so when the pandemic hit he didn't have very much to do. He couldn't go to Pre-K, couldn't see his friends. He constantly asked about his grandparents. He definitely got into a rhythm once it was summertime, but in the beginning he was understandably confused.
AC: How do you go about explaining COVID to a four year old?
NB: He knows that we are being careful because there are some really bad germs around. We've said that this is not normal, and it won't be forever. He's been really good about it. I think the younger you are, the better. They're so adaptable. Recently, Connecticut came out with a new rule that said kids older than three must wear masks at school. I think it used to apply to kids older than ten. I've seen a bunch of parents complaining on Facebook, saying it's outrageous. And I think to myself, "they're four. They'll do what we say."
"It feels like we're living in the twilight zone. It's hard enough to maintain some sense of normalcy for ourselves, but having to explain all of this to a child is bizarre."
Final Thoughts
AC: You've spent a lot of time in the house these last few months. What has it been like to get back into the rhythm of going out to run errands?
NB: I still don't get out a lot, but I find that I'm caught of guard by seeing so many people in masks. I'm not used to it, and I don't think anyone should get totally used to it. I want these masks to come off in 6 months to a year. If this becomes totally normal, I think that will say a lot about how the U.S addressed the virus. AC: Your son Isaac is part of the generation that could grow up wearing masks for an extended period of time. How do you feel about that?
NB: Isaac is going to start Kindergarten during Fall of 2021, and I hope to God that masks will be a thing of the past by then. I know that he's not really bothered by it, but I think it's eerie that it could become the new normal for him as he goes through elementary school. AC: Socializing is such a big part of school, especially during these formative years. Is Isaac rearing to get back in touch with his friends?
NB: Totally. We kept him home from Pre-K for five and a half months. His school closed in mid-March, but some kids started to go back in June. We wanted him to go back once the baby was born and we had a good routine in place. But when school opened up this Fall, he could not have been more excited. The night before Isaac went back, he was throwing all his stuff in his backpack. AC: Do you ever think about what it will be like to tell Eric about the year he was born?
NB: Oh yes. We'll tell him that he was born during the craziest year in recent history, and that looking forward to his arrival is what helped us stay sane.AC: Hopefully once Eric is Isaac's age, he'll think the idea of wearing a mask sounds silly. He'll be removed enough from this period of time that all these experiences will just be stories.
NB: I hope he feels that way too.
